Famous at Last!

I know its a terrible shot, but I, Joel Hood, have a photo in the Church News.

A previous Bishop and friend of mine phoned me at little while ago and informed me of the photo.

You've heard of it happening to people, but for those of you who doubted, I'm hear to assure you that you too can have your day in the sun.

I have Stuart Johnson, of Desert News, to thank for the none-too-glamorous shot. But, hey, I'm not going to complain. If you're going to be caught on camera, its probably best to be caught in shirt and tie, singing hymns at an assembly where the Prophet of God is going to speak.

Mom and Dad are going to be so proud ;)

Decisions, decisions....

I know that its been a while since I've written anything down here, but I think that I'd be kidding myself to think that anyone's been holding their breath. =)

A lot has happened in these past few months. Winter term ended, I had another brief relationship (that I thought would last longer than it did), and I went to Israel as part of the AIPAC Campus Allies Mission to Israel. I suppose that I really don't have much room to complain. Who get's to go to Israel?  For free? Still, as Spring term was ending I found myself unmotivated and "burnt-out".

I've decided to take the Summer term off and focus on my LSAT and GRE. I've been thinking about what I want to do after I graduate and have known that I wanted to pursue graduate studies for some time. However, which degree(s) I wished to pursue has been something I have deliberated about extensively. Lacking any information to dissuade me, I have decided to pursue a dual degree - a JD/MPA (a law and masters of public affairs/administration). I'm not doing this because I don't think I could get a job otherwise, but because I want to get my hands into civic administration and clean house. I am appalled at what has happened to my home town in California, not to mention the state itself, and my country. Hopefully, and godwilling, things work out.


The photo you see above of some Ethiopian children, Dave Smith from UVU, Greg Smith from BYU, and myself at what's called an absorption center in Israel. There was an extensive Ethiopian Jewish community in Ehtiopia that was being systematically destroyed until Israel's Operation Moses and subsequent operations brought them to Israel. They are provided housing by the state, educated, and their children cared for until they can integrate into society. Being with these children was one of the highlights of my trip.

There is a very similar center in Ashkelon with these innocents that is subject to the hateful bombardment of rocket-fire from Hamas in the Gaza strip. It is angering to think that these people, who miraculously escaped the hatred of the regimes in Ethiopia and Sudan, should be subject to the death-threats of radicals who hate them because they exist.

The world needs to wake up and see that Hamas and other groups like them cannot be reasoned with.  They will not abandon their primary goal, which is the systematic genocide of any group that won't bow to their twisted rule.

Wherefore dost it snow?

This past week has been a tad challenging, but rewarding nonetheless. Things are always so much easier when you just decide from the get-go that you're going to remain upbeat. At the beginning of the semester I found myself, for the first tie ever, really nervous and a little overwhelmed because of the workload that I had. It was my own fault, of course, that I had so much to do, but, having pushed myself so hard, I now know that I am capable of even more.

My brother leaves the MTC in about 3 weeks. I'm so excited for him. I find myself wondering what I can write to him - he's going to a different part of the world and speaking a radically different language than I did. The only thing we'll have in common is the doctrine of the gospel. I try to always write him something inspiring with a doctrinal lesson that helped me help the people I love and served.

It's snowing.

Soledad

Its been an interesting week.

It was my birthday Monday. I decided I was going to have a good day. (You know, its amazing how much just deciding you're going to be happy or deciding that you're going to have a good day can do for your attitude.) I did everything normal, but I did it a little bit happier, I guess. I was pretty busy and had a bunch of work backlogged that I felt I should do, but I decided, since it was such a beautiful day outside, that I would gift myself some time outside.

I went running, like I always do, out on the trails that overlook Utah Valley. It always is something of a spiritual journey ascending to the mountain, overcoming hills, and seeing the panorama of snow-covered mountains, the lake, the sun, and clouds. I have to admit that I got a little mopey by the time I went went to family home evening. My family called me. That was nice of them.  I don't get calls very often.

I was just going to do some homework or workout, but (thankfully) I had some friends get a whole gang of people together spontaneously and we all went out to a restaurant. All in all, it was a pretty good day.

The following day was my Mother's birthday. Yep, the day right after mine. The funny thing is, my little brother's birthday is right after that. Three in a row of birthdays.  I had made sure a couple weeks ago to put in an order to have some flowers delivered to my Mom. Shortly after she got them she sent me an e-mail. You have to understand, I'm not at all close to my parents. They never let any of us in emotionally. I never felt like I really knew what was really important to them because they never opened-up. I guess I'm being too assuming that parents should should share something of their emotions to their children, but I think that I'm going to. I can only hope that in some way that what is so important to me, my special experiences that have taught me, might be important to my children too.  That's why I'll do my best to communicate the reasons why I do the things I do.

I'm the firstborn in the family. The message my Mom wrote me was about her birthday the day after I was born. I never thought of myself as a gift, a God-send. For the first time ever, I really understood how my Mom thought of me - in what context she saw my life. I thought of all the hard times, problems, and depression from my growing-up years. If I had only known how much she loved me then. If she had only told me, shown me, done anything!  I was just a kid then - was it my responsibility to tease out all of the nuances and feelings my parents might have had for me? There were tears in my eyes while I read her message in the library computer lab. I didn't care.

Steven turned 15 the day after. I made sure to call him. Kid's about as tall as I am now. He's shaping-up to be a great guy. I'm really proud of him, and I tell him so.  I hope that by getting close to him that way he won't have to go through all the things I did.

Today was Saturday. I forced myself to do schoolwork on campus for five or six hours. Its not easy spending nice weekends indoors, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means a better life for my family in the future. (I do a lot of things in that context.)

Tonight I helped put together an awesome robot suit with my friend, Jared, crashed a girls' night karaoke that put a pack of howling wolves to shame. After a slight altercation with my roommate, I decided to call it a night. Besides, I've got a 7am priesthood meeting tomorrow.

Fire and Friends

In an uncharacteristic twist I blew off doing a bunch of studying and essay-writing to go to a bonfire tonight. That's become a more frequent thing lately - ignoring studies to go have some fun. I've come to the conclusion that if all I do is study, I'm going to be miserable. I'd rather be up 'till midnight in the library every night than have to study the whole weekend. Thank goodness for that decision.

Talk about a pendulum effect. I recently just organized my schedule and committed myself to getting up early, going to bed early, and basically having no time for any socializing. Good thing I out-smarted myself and realized that wasn't such a good idea.

I'll still get everything done that I need to. I just won't get as much sleep as I'd like. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means Slurpee runs, bonfires, and whatever other fun times we might come up with. You really can have the best of both worlds - study and get ahead and have some fun while you're at it.

In other news, tomorrow is my last day...of being 23. It really is odd to think that four years ago I celebrated my 20th in a small and unknown villa in Peru or that the following year in one of the most dangerous barrios I've ever heard of. Its shocking to realize that if you don't take charge of your life that opportunities and blessings will just pass you by. As I've thought about that in the weeks (and, yes, even months) leading up to this birthday, I've recommitted myself to being proactive and being happy with my life.

I'm still here...

I'm glad I can still be of some use. I got just got a call from one of the members of the church from Peru where I served my mission. I occasionally get calls still - even though I've been back for almost 2 1/2 years. I used to get calls all the time. It really helped me get through the initial depression and feelings of uselessness. Now, I'm just grateful that people still remember me.

This particular member was always helping us with our work. She was the cook and laundry lady, as well as a great example to her part-member family. Apparently she was just feeling a little down and needed an ear. I can understand that. Life's no picnic, they say.

I'm not sure that I said anything really profound, but I did what I could. Its amazing what a little humor can do.

I've come to think that discouragement comes usually out of a lack of hope. In Peru, the saying is "la esperanza es la última cosa que se pierde" - hope is the last thing you can lose. Sometimes we lose hope because we lose sight of our goals - our deepest dreams and wishes. Sometimes its because of uncertainty because we question if we have something worth working for. Its easy to become depressed if you feel like you're working hard but getting nowhere - and getting nowhere because you don't know where you want to go or achieve. I could be wrong, but I think we've all be there.

Prioritizing and reassessing goals usually helps me.
I'm just glad I got to be of some help tonight. It always validates me a little bit.

Wow...THAT was great

After a REALLY busy week, we had Stake Conference. I really needed it. I was commenting to some friends today after it was over about how much I liked it and also how I try to gauge my personal development by my initial reactions to what is said. If I think to myself, "Wow, I was just thinking about that" or "I just decided to do that", I feel pretty good about myself and try to keep on keepin on. If I don't have a reaction quite like that, I know I have been letting my scripture study get sloppy or that I just haven't been as diligent. Its not necessarily a tried and fast method, but it's pretty helpful.

In other news, I heard a really great story last night about some woman who named her twins "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello", pronounced "Oränjello" and "Lemónjello". I laughed myself to sleep. I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

I survived!

I remember talking with someone earlier this week or possibly the week before and comparing semesters at college to roller coasters. Its like when you start out and the cars are pulled to the top of an incline just before you're dropped into tight turns, loops, spins, and who-knows-what else. This past week has been that for me.

I knew I had a bunch of deadlines coming up and I tried my best to prepare, but it just wasn't enough. I had three midterms, a large essay, and my internship materials to turn in this week. I was on campus until midnight almost every night. By Thursday I was barely holding on. I passed out briefly at the computers in the library but was able to catch myself before hitting the keyboard.

I wonder how much studying actually helps with the grades I get. I remember most everything I hear and I'm at least moderately intelligent. I could just do a mediocre job. The mere thought of it makes me sick.

I've never picked the easy way. I don't think I'm capable of living with myself if I don't push myself and do everything possible to succeed. I know that it might seem really compulsive, maybe even unhealthy, but I do allow myself to have fun...sometimes.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were meant to do something, maybe even something great? Have you ever had this impulse but have never been able to figure out what it is that you are supposed to do? If you have, then you know what drives me. The thought of not succeeding drives me. The horror of mediocrity obligates me to strive for excellence.

Sometimes its easy to lose track of my vision. If you see me some day sitting in the library with my books and binders open but I'm just sitting there with my earphones in, looking asleep, I'm visualizing where I've been, where I want to go, and recommitting myself to do everything it takes.

On a less serious note, last night we played broom hockey at seven peaks. I fell at least 20-30 times. I got hit in the face with a stick, slid and did the splits, and my kidneys feel like someone has been punching them all night. It was the most fun I've had in a long time (seriously)!

I also got a letter from the eldest son of the family that we baptized, was sealed int he temple in 2007, whose father is the bishop of the ward now, and is on his mission in Colombia, Cali. Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not trying to brag. I'm just really excited, thrilled, grateful, that I've been able to be a part of it all. Getting the letter really made my day. I had just come back from campus at about midnight and I saw the letter on the table:

Joel:
Mi amigo del alma, en realidad siento mucho si parecí algo grocero la última vez que escribí en el e-mail pero era la única manera de poder saber algo de las personas a las que amo.
En realidad, creo que me apresuré un poco al enviar el e-mail ya que al día siguiente me llegó tu carta. En verdad lo siento.
Sabes, cada día que pasa, pienso y recapacito en las cosas que hago, las que hize y las que quiero hacer; retrocedo un poco en el tiempo y veo que he cambiado mucho pero todo ese cambio te lo debo gracias a ti y a mi amigo Bobby (mi compañero). Jeje, los extraño mucho a ambos, tal vez no te lo dije antes, pero quiero que sepas que eres un gran misionero; y digo "eres" porque a pesar de que llevas una placa en el pecho "...todo miembro es un misionero". Estoy seguro que recordarás eso. Bueno, solo espero que mi Señor y mi Padre Celestial te tengan bien, en Su hogar tienes más que un lugar...de eso estoy seguro. Lo único que me queda es esforzarme al máximo para poder ser un misionero tan grande como tú y como Bobby.
Una vez más, mil gracias por todo cuánto hicisite por mí y por mi familia.
Por favor, si te comunicas con tu familia dales mis saludos, diles que los amo y aprecio mucho, que tienen un hijo y hermano más...a pesar que no me conocen.
I love you Dad
With love
Elder Ramírez
Misión Colombia-Cali
enero 2008-enero 2010

This has turned into a huge post. I've got a lot going on and a lot to be grateful for.

Timeline

Here's the run-down:

• survive this semester
• take as many classes Spring term as I can
• get the AIPAC internship for summer (June-August)
• work on my honors thesis
• If I'm really industrious I can still graduate in December
• If I'm actually smart about things, I'll give myself an extra semester and graduate in April 2010
• Why do I always rush things?

I've been thinking a lot about grad school. One of my pals recommended that I take a look into getting an MBA. I'm not completely sold on the idea. I had previously thought a lot about law school. The reoccurring question with regards to both of these things is: why? What's my motivation?

I keep on stalling making a definite decision not because I fear the future - I welcome it really. I keep thinking that maybe I'll get my act together and date a little more, not that I haven't, and maybe settle down and get my priorities in order. I feel as if, if I keep rushing all of the time to get done as fast as possible with my undergrad that I'll never make time for things that are potentially more important.

As of right now my only motivation is to make myself as invaluable as possible - that's why I've been seriously considering the JD/MBA program at Northwestern. Its not so much that I have an interest as much that I just want to have an impressive resume. I don't like that motivation.

I'm trying to find something better, a little nobler.

Dreams

You know that you've had some great conversations with your friends about dreams. Sometimes you discuss the absurdity and terror of your nightmares. Sometimes you find it uncanny how you can trace the contents of your dream(s) to certain events from the recent and distant past.

I don't usually remember my dreams, but I can tell when I've had one especially deep because I'm tired in the morning when I wake up.

I've come to the conclusion that its because my mind becomes incredibly active during some of these dreams. Its gotten to the point that my eyes are tired when I get up in the morning from what I can only guess is excessive rapid eye movement (REM).

Let me back up a little bit. I do a lot of studying, reading, analysis, etc every day. By "a lot" I mean 10 -15 hours on campus every day. Needless to say, there's a lot of information just running around my mind. I think that this has had a lot to do with some of my more recent dreams.

I've been reading books in my sleep. No, I haven't been sleep-reading, as in being asleep still and reading physical books. I've been seeing words on pages, reading them, as I lay asleep. It really is fascinating and bizarre. However, that's not the best part of it: they are books that I've never read before.

We accumulate information and its stored in our brain. Many times dreams consist of permutations (changes in the order) of this information. I am currently taking a literature class that addresses this very subject - the permutation of literature, alphabets, and knowledge in general. The argument is that everything has been done,that everything has been created and nothing is new, but at the same time there is no end to what can be created. It is still infinite because the permutations of knowledge can repeat themselves indefinitely. Its like when you think of a great idea completely on your own and then someone tells you that its already been done. The point is: you came up with it again!

Anyway, I can only assume that my mind has done this very thing, but to a much greater extent. I've read entirely new books, exhausting my mind as I sleep, but at the same time they are not new because they are derived from the information already in my mind.

I realize now that this is not the first time this has happened. I cannot remember the words, the books, or pages, but a conversation recently made me recall something - I could even remember the side of the page it was on.

Wouldn't it be amazing if I could recall the books that already exist in my mind?

I randomly take pictures many days and add them to a file I have on my computer. Its like a photo journal, I guess. I've got a lot of pictures of just trees, clouds, and other random things that I though were particularly neat/stunning/beautiful.

I think I 'd like to incorporate that idea with this blog and let pictures tell their thousand words for me sometime.

I built this little fort on a whim with some help from one of my new roommates, John. It was obvious that fort-building was his forte because he knew exactly how to build the drawbridge. Yes, it works and, up to this point in time, no invader has crossed its invincible threshold.

Going Home

I'm taking a literature class this semester that focuses on the works and philosophy of the Argentine writer Jorge Luis Borges. One of our readings was really rewarding. It had to do with 'homecoming' and 'homesteading'. I know these don't seem like really deep topics, but there was something that I understood after struggling through those pages of philosophy.

Homecoming involves exactly what it implies. It means coming back to where you once were, usually to where you grew up or claim as home. You have this 'home' preserved as an idea. It is a time and place that you claim.

Homesteading is easy to interpret too. I means that you arrive at a new place. You set up shop, try to fit in, and start a new chapter of life.

The interesting thing about 'going home' is that it exists in your mind. You've created it. You can never really go back home. Also, it is important in many ways not to go back home. Because it is more of a mindset and not a place, you will find yourself adopting attitudes and roles that you previously held as a way of trying to fit back in at home.

That brings me to homesteading. You see, going home necessarily implies homesteading. Since you can never really go back, and since things never can stay the same, you necessary come back to homestead. Homesteading is a projection of that idealized notion of 'home' onto a new chapter in life in a new place. This is why going home when things have necessarily changed is not the escape that you might think it would be because you will project your notion of what 'home' is onto what cannot be home any longer.

Its an interesting bit a psychology, to be sure. Its also healthy to realize that we all have these tendencies to want to go back home.

We can never go home. We can never get back to the way things once were. Its doubtful that things ever existed according to our idealized notion to begin with. Any attempt to do so, therefore, is a misguided attempt, and attempt to escape our current reality for one that we have set up as 'home'. Change and acceptance are necessary for progress.

I think that a person that lives with the idealized notion of 'home' or what it needs to be will find himself comparing it to reality and wondering why he cannot ever reach his ideal. Despondency may result. Instead, I recommend that each individual seek for self-mastery and improvement. You will never need to escape, to 'go back home', if you are looking to the future and goal-oriented.

Of course, this by no means that I never have wanted to 'go back home'. I think it has something to our natural 'fight and flight' psychological and physiological mechanisms. When the fight gets tough, we may want to take flight home.

In a spiritual light, life isn't just about getting back home, waiting-out mortality, and then living in peace for eternity. Its not necessarily always directly about the fight, although we all participate in the confrontation between good and evil by virtue of our existence. I think it has to do with homesteading. We have come to this place and time, assumed an identity based on our individual socialization processes, and try to put down roots somewhere. Just remember that we are pilgrims, travelers, building a home. The great thing about our pilgrimage, our mortal sojourn, is that Christ directs us on how to build a home, His kingdom. I don't simply mean that we can be satisfied by Church service. I mean that His Plan is to build His kingdom in each one of us. This correct version of what 'home' is will lead us to correct choices with regards to our families and lives in addition to peace of mind.

This vision is the vision of Zion. We don't try to go back to Zion, do we? No; Zion is something that is to be forged. Don't escape the world by going to Church or the Temple. Don't go home! Go forward! You can only go forward. Escape is an illusion.

I have no idea who I'm writing to - maybe just to myself.

This happens occasionally - I get on my soapbox and just keep going with an idea.  Let me know what you think.

A few thoughts...not because my thoughts are few

I've often wondered what the point of having a blog is. It seems that writing personal information in journals and diaries, where perhaps no one would ever see it, doesn't quite do the trick for many people anymore. I think that secretly we'd like for others to know exactly what we're going through, how hard our day has been, what's going on in our head, because just knowing that someone else knows somehow relieves a burden. Its as if it is some cathartic release to tell the world.

I can relate. I buy that definition. Something, at least within me, would like to be able to come home to a sincere,"how was your day?". Until then, I've decided that maybe letting someone know that beneath that reserved and, at times, indecipherable exterior, I'm me.

These past two weeks have been tough but rewarding. Instead of belaboring the reader with all of the difficulties, I think that I'll talk about the great things that eclipsed them.

I took my brother to the MTC Wednesday the 28th of January. He's been called to the Thailand, Bangkok Mission. When I returned from my mission in 2006, he was still in high school. It never really dawned on me that he'd be "Elder Hood" too. I'm really proud of him. I told him so at the MTC when he reported. He's going to do great.

I made a resolution that I'm actually keeping. I'm writing my pals on missions and calling converts from my mission. I've tried to avoid the TV that is inevitably on and hanging out all Sunday. Instead I'm spending the afternoon writing and finishing my Book of Mormon reading that I promised myself to have done by New Year. So far, so good.

I think that I got a wake-up call (literally) that I needed to call some folks from my mission. At 6 am Sunday morning, one of the sisters from a ward I was assigned to called. She was worried about something - I could relate it but it was hurried and complex. I called back later that day. Apparently, my companion from that area had gone inactive as had some of our converts. I promised to call them. I called the Frías family Tuesday night. Everyone was there except for Felipe, who is working in Chile. Meri never did get baptized, but she told me that if I came back to visit she would. I'd buy a ticket right away if I could, but the cost added to the fact that I want her to do it for the right reasons makes it nearly impossible. I also called the Ramírez Bendezú family that night. José, the father, is bishop now of their ward and was at the church. I got to speak with everyone else though. Their oldest son, Carlos, is serving in the Colombia Cali Mission.

There is so much I wish I could do, but I can hardly manage to stay afloat with what I have to manage now. I suppose that's when you have to trust in the grace of God that He will work those miracles that we cannot.