This past week has been a tad challenging, but rewarding nonetheless. Things are always so much easier when you just decide from the get-go that you're going to remain upbeat. At the beginning of the semester I found myself, for the first tie ever, really nervous and a little overwhelmed because of the workload that I had. It was my own fault, of course, that I had so much to do, but, having pushed myself so hard, I now know that I am capable of even more.
My brother leaves the MTC in about 3 weeks. I'm so excited for him. I find myself wondering what I can write to him - he's going to a different part of the world and speaking a radically different language than I did. The only thing we'll have in common is the doctrine of the gospel. I try to always write him something inspiring with a doctrinal lesson that helped me help the people I love and served.
It's snowing.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Soledad
Its been an interesting week.
It was my birthday Monday. I decided I was going to have a good day. (You know, its amazing how much just deciding you're going to be happy or deciding that you're going to have a good day can do for your attitude.) I did everything normal, but I did it a little bit happier, I guess. I was pretty busy and had a bunch of work backlogged that I felt I should do, but I decided, since it was such a beautiful day outside, that I would gift myself some time outside.
I went running, like I always do, out on the trails that overlook Utah Valley. It always is something of a spiritual journey ascending to the mountain, overcoming hills, and seeing the panorama of snow-covered mountains, the lake, the sun, and clouds. I have to admit that I got a little mopey by the time I went went to family home evening. My family called me. That was nice of them. I don't get calls very often.
I was just going to do some homework or workout, but (thankfully) I had some friends get a whole gang of people together spontaneously and we all went out to a restaurant. All in all, it was a pretty good day.
The following day was my Mother's birthday. Yep, the day right after mine. The funny thing is, my little brother's birthday is right after that. Three in a row of birthdays. I had made sure a couple weeks ago to put in an order to have some flowers delivered to my Mom. Shortly after she got them she sent me an e-mail. You have to understand, I'm not at all close to my parents. They never let any of us in emotionally. I never felt like I really knew what was really important to them because they never opened-up. I guess I'm being too assuming that parents should should share something of their emotions to their children, but I think that I'm going to. I can only hope that in some way that what is so important to me, my special experiences that have taught me, might be important to my children too. That's why I'll do my best to communicate the reasons why I do the things I do.
I'm the firstborn in the family. The message my Mom wrote me was about her birthday the day after I was born. I never thought of myself as a gift, a God-send. For the first time ever, I really understood how my Mom thought of me - in what context she saw my life. I thought of all the hard times, problems, and depression from my growing-up years. If I had only known how much she loved me then. If she had only told me, shown me, done anything! I was just a kid then - was it my responsibility to tease out all of the nuances and feelings my parents might have had for me? There were tears in my eyes while I read her message in the library computer lab. I didn't care.
Steven turned 15 the day after. I made sure to call him. Kid's about as tall as I am now. He's shaping-up to be a great guy. I'm really proud of him, and I tell him so. I hope that by getting close to him that way he won't have to go through all the things I did.
Today was Saturday. I forced myself to do schoolwork on campus for five or six hours. Its not easy spending nice weekends indoors, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means a better life for my family in the future. (I do a lot of things in that context.)
Tonight I helped put together an awesome robot suit with my friend, Jared, crashed a girls' night karaoke that put a pack of howling wolves to shame. After a slight altercation with my roommate, I decided to call it a night. Besides, I've got a 7am priesthood meeting tomorrow.
It was my birthday Monday. I decided I was going to have a good day. (You know, its amazing how much just deciding you're going to be happy or deciding that you're going to have a good day can do for your attitude.) I did everything normal, but I did it a little bit happier, I guess. I was pretty busy and had a bunch of work backlogged that I felt I should do, but I decided, since it was such a beautiful day outside, that I would gift myself some time outside.
I went running, like I always do, out on the trails that overlook Utah Valley. It always is something of a spiritual journey ascending to the mountain, overcoming hills, and seeing the panorama of snow-covered mountains, the lake, the sun, and clouds. I have to admit that I got a little mopey by the time I went went to family home evening. My family called me. That was nice of them. I don't get calls very often.
I was just going to do some homework or workout, but (thankfully) I had some friends get a whole gang of people together spontaneously and we all went out to a restaurant. All in all, it was a pretty good day.
The following day was my Mother's birthday. Yep, the day right after mine. The funny thing is, my little brother's birthday is right after that. Three in a row of birthdays. I had made sure a couple weeks ago to put in an order to have some flowers delivered to my Mom. Shortly after she got them she sent me an e-mail. You have to understand, I'm not at all close to my parents. They never let any of us in emotionally. I never felt like I really knew what was really important to them because they never opened-up. I guess I'm being too assuming that parents should should share something of their emotions to their children, but I think that I'm going to. I can only hope that in some way that what is so important to me, my special experiences that have taught me, might be important to my children too. That's why I'll do my best to communicate the reasons why I do the things I do.
I'm the firstborn in the family. The message my Mom wrote me was about her birthday the day after I was born. I never thought of myself as a gift, a God-send. For the first time ever, I really understood how my Mom thought of me - in what context she saw my life. I thought of all the hard times, problems, and depression from my growing-up years. If I had only known how much she loved me then. If she had only told me, shown me, done anything! I was just a kid then - was it my responsibility to tease out all of the nuances and feelings my parents might have had for me? There were tears in my eyes while I read her message in the library computer lab. I didn't care.
Steven turned 15 the day after. I made sure to call him. Kid's about as tall as I am now. He's shaping-up to be a great guy. I'm really proud of him, and I tell him so. I hope that by getting close to him that way he won't have to go through all the things I did.
Today was Saturday. I forced myself to do schoolwork on campus for five or six hours. Its not easy spending nice weekends indoors, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means a better life for my family in the future. (I do a lot of things in that context.)
Tonight I helped put together an awesome robot suit with my friend, Jared, crashed a girls' night karaoke that put a pack of howling wolves to shame. After a slight altercation with my roommate, I decided to call it a night. Besides, I've got a 7am priesthood meeting tomorrow.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Fire and Friends
In an uncharacteristic twist I blew off doing a bunch of studying and essay-writing to go to a bonfire tonight. That's become a more frequent thing lately - ignoring studies to go have some fun. I've come to the conclusion that if all I do is study, I'm going to be miserable. I'd rather be up 'till midnight in the library every night than have to study the whole weekend. Thank goodness for that decision.
Talk about a pendulum effect. I recently just organized my schedule and committed myself to getting up early, going to bed early, and basically having no time for any socializing. Good thing I out-smarted myself and realized that wasn't such a good idea.
I'll still get everything done that I need to. I just won't get as much sleep as I'd like. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means Slurpee runs, bonfires, and whatever other fun times we might come up with. You really can have the best of both worlds - study and get ahead and have some fun while you're at it.
In other news, tomorrow is my last day...of being 23. It really is odd to think that four years ago I celebrated my 20th in a small and unknown villa in Peru or that the following year in one of the most dangerous barrios I've ever heard of. Its shocking to realize that if you don't take charge of your life that opportunities and blessings will just pass you by. As I've thought about that in the weeks (and, yes, even months) leading up to this birthday, I've recommitted myself to being proactive and being happy with my life.
Talk about a pendulum effect. I recently just organized my schedule and committed myself to getting up early, going to bed early, and basically having no time for any socializing. Good thing I out-smarted myself and realized that wasn't such a good idea.
I'll still get everything done that I need to. I just won't get as much sleep as I'd like. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means Slurpee runs, bonfires, and whatever other fun times we might come up with. You really can have the best of both worlds - study and get ahead and have some fun while you're at it.
In other news, tomorrow is my last day...of being 23. It really is odd to think that four years ago I celebrated my 20th in a small and unknown villa in Peru or that the following year in one of the most dangerous barrios I've ever heard of. Its shocking to realize that if you don't take charge of your life that opportunities and blessings will just pass you by. As I've thought about that in the weeks (and, yes, even months) leading up to this birthday, I've recommitted myself to being proactive and being happy with my life.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I'm still here...
I'm glad I can still be of some use. I got just got a call from one of the members of the church from Peru where I served my mission. I occasionally get calls still - even though I've been back for almost 2 1/2 years. I used to get calls all the time. It really helped me get through the initial depression and feelings of uselessness. Now, I'm just grateful that people still remember me.
This particular member was always helping us with our work. She was the cook and laundry lady, as well as a great example to her part-member family. Apparently she was just feeling a little down and needed an ear. I can understand that. Life's no picnic, they say.
I'm not sure that I said anything really profound, but I did what I could. Its amazing what a little humor can do.
I've come to think that discouragement comes usually out of a lack of hope. In Peru, the saying is "la esperanza es la última cosa que se pierde" - hope is the last thing you can lose. Sometimes we lose hope because we lose sight of our goals - our deepest dreams and wishes. Sometimes its because of uncertainty because we question if we have something worth working for. Its easy to become depressed if you feel like you're working hard but getting nowhere - and getting nowhere because you don't know where you want to go or achieve. I could be wrong, but I think we've all be there.
Prioritizing and reassessing goals usually helps me.
I'm just glad I got to be of some help tonight. It always validates me a little bit.
This particular member was always helping us with our work. She was the cook and laundry lady, as well as a great example to her part-member family. Apparently she was just feeling a little down and needed an ear. I can understand that. Life's no picnic, they say.
I'm not sure that I said anything really profound, but I did what I could. Its amazing what a little humor can do.
I've come to think that discouragement comes usually out of a lack of hope. In Peru, the saying is "la esperanza es la última cosa que se pierde" - hope is the last thing you can lose. Sometimes we lose hope because we lose sight of our goals - our deepest dreams and wishes. Sometimes its because of uncertainty because we question if we have something worth working for. Its easy to become depressed if you feel like you're working hard but getting nowhere - and getting nowhere because you don't know where you want to go or achieve. I could be wrong, but I think we've all be there.
Prioritizing and reassessing goals usually helps me.
I'm just glad I got to be of some help tonight. It always validates me a little bit.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Wow...THAT was great
After a REALLY busy week, we had Stake Conference. I really needed it. I was commenting to some friends today after it was over about how much I liked it and also how I try to gauge my personal development by my initial reactions to what is said. If I think to myself, "Wow, I was just thinking about that" or "I just decided to do that", I feel pretty good about myself and try to keep on keepin on. If I don't have a reaction quite like that, I know I have been letting my scripture study get sloppy or that I just haven't been as diligent. Its not necessarily a tried and fast method, but it's pretty helpful.
In other news, I heard a really great story last night about some woman who named her twins "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello", pronounced "Oränjello" and "Lemónjello". I laughed myself to sleep. I'm not sure that's ever happened before.
In other news, I heard a really great story last night about some woman who named her twins "Orangejello" and "Lemonjello", pronounced "Oränjello" and "Lemónjello". I laughed myself to sleep. I'm not sure that's ever happened before.
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