Regrets

They say that hindsight is 20-20 - that you could have done something differently but as a result of incomplete information you chose a less desirable outcome. I don't think that is what regret is. Regret is being able to see an opportunity to make a choice in the present, to know that you should choose it, and then to fail to do so.

I don't have many regrets. The one's I do I think are pretty significant. They were mostly products of one of three things:

1. fear
2. laziness
3. conceit

While I was growing up I felt entitled to service and goodwill from Church and school leaders. While it was their job I neglected to take ownership of the problems that only I could see because of my unique situation. I may not be directly accountable but I am sorry that all I did was whine. This was really self-centered, or conceited, of me. It is a habit I am glad to say that I have kicked in most ways. I'm sure some clever person is waiting to tell me otherwise.

During my time at BYU I finally managed to overcome the false expectation that beautiful/intelligent/perfect/etc etc women are supposed to be breaking down your door to get to you because you served a mission and do your home teaching every month. Again, a sense of entitlement propagated by well-meaning Church youth leaders that are trying anything to get 16-19 year-old guys, who would rather be playing sports or video games, to care about anything else. I became lazy, didn't date that much, and can very clearly remember some great girls that I really should have just asked out either sooner than I did or at all. Did I really think I was that great of a catch?

It has been said that we often live below our privilege. I heard it again this weekend from a reliable source, and it has caused me to meditate on what my "privileges" are. I have the opportunity to get an amazing education, to socialize with some of the greatest people I may ever meet, to keep my extended family unified as we begin to spread out even more, and the list goes on. While I do well in some areas, what holds me back is fear. Why be afraid to rise to your own full potential? Why self-limit? The answer may be that I fear that I will lose, that I'm not up to the task. To push on is to risk failure. What if I assume the responsibility to be an expert in my field, the link in my family, the friend, the optimist and I'm not good enough? This is the fear that breeds mediocrity. This is why we are so often content with complacency. I think I'm a little better at being fearless, but its mostly because I'm not smart enough most of the time to know my own limits. I keep at things no matter if I have no chance of winning.

Yet, somehow things seem to work out. I think its because of miracles - the hand of God in my life. Some like to think its all chance. All I know is that if I keep going the way I am, I'm not going to have many more regrets.

Unlike poor Calvin...