I survived!

I remember talking with someone earlier this week or possibly the week before and comparing semesters at college to roller coasters. Its like when you start out and the cars are pulled to the top of an incline just before you're dropped into tight turns, loops, spins, and who-knows-what else. This past week has been that for me.

I knew I had a bunch of deadlines coming up and I tried my best to prepare, but it just wasn't enough. I had three midterms, a large essay, and my internship materials to turn in this week. I was on campus until midnight almost every night. By Thursday I was barely holding on. I passed out briefly at the computers in the library but was able to catch myself before hitting the keyboard.

I wonder how much studying actually helps with the grades I get. I remember most everything I hear and I'm at least moderately intelligent. I could just do a mediocre job. The mere thought of it makes me sick.

I've never picked the easy way. I don't think I'm capable of living with myself if I don't push myself and do everything possible to succeed. I know that it might seem really compulsive, maybe even unhealthy, but I do allow myself to have fun...sometimes.

Have you ever had the feeling that you were meant to do something, maybe even something great? Have you ever had this impulse but have never been able to figure out what it is that you are supposed to do? If you have, then you know what drives me. The thought of not succeeding drives me. The horror of mediocrity obligates me to strive for excellence.

Sometimes its easy to lose track of my vision. If you see me some day sitting in the library with my books and binders open but I'm just sitting there with my earphones in, looking asleep, I'm visualizing where I've been, where I want to go, and recommitting myself to do everything it takes.

On a less serious note, last night we played broom hockey at seven peaks. I fell at least 20-30 times. I got hit in the face with a stick, slid and did the splits, and my kidneys feel like someone has been punching them all night. It was the most fun I've had in a long time (seriously)!

I also got a letter from the eldest son of the family that we baptized, was sealed int he temple in 2007, whose father is the bishop of the ward now, and is on his mission in Colombia, Cali. Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not trying to brag. I'm just really excited, thrilled, grateful, that I've been able to be a part of it all. Getting the letter really made my day. I had just come back from campus at about midnight and I saw the letter on the table:

Joel:
Mi amigo del alma, en realidad siento mucho si parecí algo grocero la última vez que escribí en el e-mail pero era la única manera de poder saber algo de las personas a las que amo.
En realidad, creo que me apresuré un poco al enviar el e-mail ya que al día siguiente me llegó tu carta. En verdad lo siento.
Sabes, cada día que pasa, pienso y recapacito en las cosas que hago, las que hize y las que quiero hacer; retrocedo un poco en el tiempo y veo que he cambiado mucho pero todo ese cambio te lo debo gracias a ti y a mi amigo Bobby (mi compañero). Jeje, los extraño mucho a ambos, tal vez no te lo dije antes, pero quiero que sepas que eres un gran misionero; y digo "eres" porque a pesar de que llevas una placa en el pecho "...todo miembro es un misionero". Estoy seguro que recordarás eso. Bueno, solo espero que mi Señor y mi Padre Celestial te tengan bien, en Su hogar tienes más que un lugar...de eso estoy seguro. Lo único que me queda es esforzarme al máximo para poder ser un misionero tan grande como tú y como Bobby.
Una vez más, mil gracias por todo cuánto hicisite por mí y por mi familia.
Por favor, si te comunicas con tu familia dales mis saludos, diles que los amo y aprecio mucho, que tienen un hijo y hermano más...a pesar que no me conocen.
I love you Dad
With love
Elder Ramírez
Misión Colombia-Cali
enero 2008-enero 2010

This has turned into a huge post. I've got a lot going on and a lot to be grateful for.